Early morning!

It just turned 7am and the sun is rising now.

I couldn't sleep ever since going to the loo at 6am. Was tossing and turning around in bed. So many things going through my mind. The sound of the air-conditioner whirring was keeping me awake too.

The feeling of boredom. The feeling of depression. The feeling of anxiousness. All rolled into one.

I guess the feeling of boredom is the most la. Probably about 90%? Dunno why. The only feeling of enlightenment that I get is when I spend money. Even that is short-lived. And also when I look at my little boy and seeing his silly antics. Even that is is also short-lived after he starts to annoy me or get me angry.

I look forward to my new life as a mother of two. But also I also realize that it would be a completely ball game than what I have now. So it is like I am trying to juggle with what I am enjoying with life right now as much as possible before the new chapter starts. But the problem is the life that I have right now is boring me already. And in a way, I can't wait for the new chapter to start soon. Am I making much sense? Probably not.

When I go shopping, the shops bore me. I know exactly where are the things and they are the same things at the same place. When I go to the zoo, I still remember the animals as they were 2 years ago when I was there. Yawn! When I go to work, I see the same customers and dispense to them the same medications and we talk about the same things. Yawn! When I eat at my favourite restaurants, I will order the same items on the menu as when I ate there countless times before. Yawn! When I watch Astro, I will flip to the same programs as I watched the day before.

I think Ryan is also bored. He plays with his cars morning, afternoon and night. But he doesn't complain. I asked him whether he finds it fun, he agreed with me. Just spend RM70 on books for him yesterday... just 2 books. One encyclopedia and a phonics book. I gave him a Matchbox car set that I bought a few months ago at a warehouse sale yesterday. That excited him... for awhile.

Today is Sunday. Even planning what to do today is keeping my mind busy. What to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Oh yah, even eating bores me. 'Sian'. Always eat the same stuff for meals.

I really sound like an old woman.