Sometimes I wish...

...I was more ambitious. More career-minded. It seems that I am more a 'family first' type of person than chasing my own dreams. I know its by choice that I don't want to work full time. But that is the thing. If I was more ambitious type of person, I would not be making that choice.

...I had a clear talent or skill. Since young, I was the one that could remember things well. Good memory. That was all. But was never sporty or excelled in a certain sport or skill. Often I do feel inspired by individuals who could sew or draw or had a particular skill. I know, its all about cultivating a skill. Not everyone is born with skills.Even my piano...I never completed till Grade 8. Its like everything was done half cook!!! :p

...I was more adventurous. Deep down in my heart, I have the yearning to TRY and DO so many things. That is it. Just thoughts. But most of the time, I won't execute those thoughts. Call me chicken. Call me someone who thinks too much. Or just call me plain ol' L.A.Z.Y!

...my mum was still alive and around in my life. Eventhough our relationship was quite a roller coaster ride, I would say we had a very open type of mother daughter relationship. And it would have been really cool and great if she was part of my life now as I began my journey as a mother myself 5 years ago. Pity she had to exit this earth life so hastily.

...I was more a dedicated mother to my 2 kids. I have alot of plans. Plans to do stuff with them. Plans to take them here and there. Everyday I wake up feeling guilty to have to make the television as a form of a babysitter for them while I do the daily house chores. Not that I do those chores everyday too. Ask hubby. The toilet is always in a constant state of 'you know what!' I don't know where the time in a day goes. Before you know it, its the end of the day and I still haven't done anything constructive with the kids...besides yelling at them, training Ally to pee in the jamban or getting Ryan to stop playing the Ipad.

...I had more money. Not in a greedy way. In a way that I can provide more for the kids. Give them a better education. Not having to think twice and thrice on what courses/classes I can afford to put them in because of the sky rocketing fees. Having them to eat better food. Not only 'chap fun' and tai chow fare but nice restaurants that I often see in other family blogs. Getting more toys and play things for them. It takes me a long time to think getting Ally a certain toy is worth that amount of money. Only when it comes to special occasions...then I let loose.

...I had a religion. An active believe. Been out of 'christianity' since leaving form 5...so in a way, I don't have a religion. I always tell people I am an 'inactive' Christian. Still a believer. But just not going to any church. I would like to raise my kids with some Christian values...but then again, there is so many things that makes in quite impossible.

...I could be close to my mother in law. Due to our language barrier...( my minimal Cantonese and zero mandarin capabilities)...its just a hi and bye kind of communication most of the time when I see her. Expressing myself more than "I am full...have you eaten?" or "How are you?" would be deemed quite hard.I really hope that I could strike a closer relationship with her for the sake of hubby and the kids.

...I could be a better cook and baker. Honestly, I don't think I can cook. Bearable kind of food. But most of the time, I realise I have to follow the recipe closely ....then only it turns out ok. I have tried MANY times baking cookies...most of the time, it doesn't turn out nice.