Today is the 3rd week since Allyson was born.
I am filled with lots of anxiety right now. Don't know why my mood is like a roller coaster. When I look at Allyson, I smile and my heart is filled with love and joy for this little bundle. Then, a minute later, when Ryan gets irritating and just being plain right naughty, I will start to yell at him and even give him a whacking or two! I normally don't get so irate so easily. I normally don't beat him so easily. But yesterday, somehow I was very very short fused! And I let it out on my boy!
Totally feel bad. I looked at him last night as Ryan slept next to me... I just felt so guilty and my eyes welled up with tears. I love him so very much and I don't want to hurt him.
I know what I am feeling is the post natal hormones making me like an emotional sap!
I got to take control of my emotions and don't let this post-natal mood swings get the better of me. Hubby doesn't really understand too... so I guess I got to get over it by myself. Make myself busy. I guess.
So, now... i have given myself a little project. To collect some yummy home-cooked recipes from blogs.. categorize them according to different types of food...eg. chicken, pork, soups, beancurd...and then it will be easier for me to refer to them next month. I am contemplating to stop the caterer but then again, I don't think I can handle cooking for 3 adults and looking after a newborn and toddler without any help. But the caterer's food is getting boring ( 2nd month now only). Another option is to reduce the number of heads ( from 3 to 2) and just top up a dish or two every night. Maybe will do that. Also, I plan to list out the menu for the whole week.. so that I can plan what I want to get from the market on a weekly basis.
Being everyday at home... the pui yit and I follow the 5pm TV8 chinese serial...'Shining Stars' or is it 'Shooting Stars'... something like that. Then at 6pm, she follows the AEC Korean serial 'Married with six children'...then at 7pm, we both watch 'Heart of Greed' at TV8 again.Don't know whether she should be watching so much TV... but I feel bad for her. Anyway, the baby is sleeping around that time... and she does cook around 7.30pm for me. Watching these serials are making the days pass really really quickly! (the actor Raymond Lam from 'Heart of Greed' is kinda of dishy!!!)
My breast milk is still the same. Not increase in volume. And that is adding to my anxiety. Sigh. Why other mothers don't seem to have the problem getting milk??? Even skinny slim friends.. have lots of milk being churned out. I must be doing some thing wrong. Still trying to be patient. I pump 4 times a day. Know it is not enough. So trying to increase to 5 times a day since Tuesday. Still don't see much increment in volume. Still getting around 1.5 oz to 2 oz each time. Allyson has stopped suckling on my breast since the 1st week. She gets all red like a tomato and cries in such distress when I put her to my breast that I don't want to force her. Maybe I shouldn't have given up so fast.
Look at that cheeky face. Allyson certainly looks like herkor kor at that age
My 2 lovely kids...joy of my life
2 comments:
Hi, Leona. My heart goes out to you and Ryan when you said you lass out at him. It happened to me too, and I was ridden with guilt as I didn't want Vic to feel anger or jealousy towards the younger sibling. Hv a heart to heart talk with Ryan, and he may surprise you that he understands, that he forgives. You will feel much lighter.
I catered in the early days after my confinement so the maid only had to top up a dish or two. Or the easier way is to boil soup. Btw, bb has to suckle in order for milk supply, else very tough. To inc supply, drink plenty of soup, eat fish, and rest as much as you can so u r relaxed. Tk care..
Thanks Irene. You are such a comfort!
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