The Ups and Downs of being a FTSAHM

It has been officially 3 weeks since I have been a FTSAHM. Before March, I was a PTSAHM! :)

So how is the journey so far?

Let's say...there are some days I wake up...glad that I don't have to worry or stress about anything related to work and proceed through the day just chilling. BUT there are moments throughout the day where it suddenly hits me that I CAN"T GO ON LIKE THIS! I NEED INCOME!

I guess the hardest part is realising that when everytime I am using my money to buy things for the kids, family etc...there isn't anymore coming in to replace it! So that is where I will feel down for awhile.. and feeling bad that I want to give my kids a little bit of something extra.But yet again, I have to start making the ringgit stretch a little further till I get another locum job.

And THAT...is another problem. I am enjoying being 'jobless' (BUT not incomeless, mind u)...that I am too complacent and comfortable to actually move my butt to inquire about locum jobs. Can you see the irony of it all?

Being totally 'free' like a bird now...I can focus more on my kids. Perhaps TOO focus that I am stressing my self about them. The great thing is I can laugh more with my girl. I can go to bed looking at her...appreciating everything cute and not-so-cute about her. Give her more kisses. Give her more hugs. I can relax and experiment more different kind of dishes for dinner every day now. I think hubby is happy...but I guess after a while...my 'steam' and excitement will run out. And I will get bored staying at home Full Time soon. And my sanity will turn to 'insanity'.

At the end of the day, I think I am greedy. I want to be with my kids. Watch them grow. Don't want to worry about work. But then again, want to enjoy life. Want to go for holidays.Want to buy stuff for the kids. Which I can't if I don't earn money! We can't have it all...